


Stars

by NaturalandReal (icyzephyr)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-08
Updated: 2012-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-29 04:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icyzephyr/pseuds/NaturalandReal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel will give it to him as long as Sam wants and needs it. As long as he is a star in Sam Winchester's world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stars

"Sam?"

The screen door creaks open and Castiel looks first to the right then to the left where he finds Sam sitting on Bobby's old porch swing. He's taking a swig of a beer as Castiel steps out. Sam's adam's apple moves as the liquid makes its way down his throat, eyes fixed on something Castiel cannot quite pinpoint and wonders if he's looking at anything at all.

"I felt you," Castiel says simply taking small steps to the porch swing. He stops just beside the seat and only has eyes for Sam who’s own are still focused on something but now he can tell it's something in the sky and Castiel turns his head up.

 He sees nothing but the stars shining through the black. Nothing interesting to an angel, he's seen them for millions of years, he's seen their births and deaths. It's nothing special to him but Sam seems to find something more here.

 "That's a little creepy," Sam laughs darkly and turns to face Castiel, his eyes are slightly glazed and he shakes his head with a lopsided smile.

Castiel frowns. "Sometimes, yes." Castiel offers a small smile but Sam just shrugs and turns his attention back to the sky.

The angel is not sure what to make of Sam's current condition all he knows is that he _feels_. Feels something and moves to sit next to him his hands laced together and his head bowed. "It woke me. Something like a fire and suffocating blue, almost like water." He turns his still lowered head to Sam who is digging a thumbnail into the glass bottle.

Sam shakes his head taking a rough sip of his drink and Castiel closes his eyes. Trying to feel something like what had jolted him awake. He finds nothing, only his own thoughts - tangled and anxious.

"When I was a kid... I was really into astronomy. I read a lot of books and I can point out these constellations no problem to you. Can recite their history flawlessly if you asked me to. I know them backwards and forwards," Sam takes a large shuddering breath and Castiel shuffles closer when his eyes catch that Sam is shivering but he continues on.

"I was fascinated by the sky, well, the whole universe… It's silly really. I used to whisper prayers while I sat in the back of the Impala, Dean riding shotgun. Prayers to the stars - I thought maybe they were angels, sitting up there in the sky, you know? Watching over us." Sam smiles and laughs shaking his head, strands of hair obscuring his hazel eyes.

"That doesn't sound very...amusing." Castiel purses his lips and watches Sam who lies back against the seat. Sam rolls his heels and keeps the swing at a steady rhythm. The steady motion does little to lull the worry building inside of Castiel.

"Cas, it sort of is. I believed angels were watching over me, my dad and my brother." His voice breaks and Castiel's hand instinctively finds Sam’s shoulder and gives a tender squeeze. 

There's a long pause, the only sound of crunching branches and clumps of snow falling from the roof and treetops. Are there even any words to say to him? He searches every crevice of his mind and comes up empty. Sam just sits in silence, not looking at the sky this time but at something far off in the distance.

"I prayed to you guys up there. Asking for a reprieve, for Dean mostly... But it never came. And here we are, many years later and look!" Sam shrugs Cas' hand away and lifts his arms arm up as if asking for something to shoot him square in the chest. "We're still friggin' here, Cas. Fighting this battle that seems hopeless. Call me crazy but I was freaking naive to think those stars, that were obviously made up of gas and exploding particles, many of them already dead by the time I placed any wishes on them... I placed hope in something stupid."

Cas nodded, taking in those words that bit him and reached for Sam's forearm and rested his cool blue eyes on him. 

"We all need to believe in something... even angels."

Sam stiffened. "Yeah?" His eyes locked onto where Castiel's hand gripped his arm taking slow shallow breaths. "It's like, all those years. I hoped things would get better...maybe even easier but here we are, Cas. Still. I feel like I'm floating between those stars, lost in the black. I’m able to feel that warmth, able to almost be blinded by it and I'm drawn to it like a moth... but unable to touch, unable to grasp it, Cas. Unable to hold that hope in my own hands, forever reaching and trying and ... I grasp at nothing." 

Castiel's throat tightens, something he only experienced when he felt his Father's abandonment for the first time. He feels it, that suffocating blue and Sam's fallen face pains him in a way he can't place. "Have you ever felt like you've held some kind of warmth, though? Some sort of... star?"

Again Sam takes a deep breath that seems to shake his whole body but this time he looks Castiel straight in the eyes and gives a small nod, placing the beer on the wooden porch. "Yeah. Three of them. Though, they're hardly stars." Sam's hand cups the top of Cas' gently tugging him off and grasps the angel's hand in his own, smiling softly.

"Three?" Castiel manages to ask through the rush of adrenaline running through this body and the heat that spread up his neck to his cheeks.

"Yes. Three of them." Sam seems more at ease and slides closer to Castiel. "Dean, of course. Bobby... he's like a father to us, hell, he is a father to us. The last one..."

Castiel hangs on his every word, the pause is excruciating and he feels Sam's thumb rubbing slow circles into the palm of his hand. Sam's now hooking an arm around Cas' shoulders and pulls him close. "He's different than them. That's for sure. He's..." Sam licks his lips in thought and Castiel's breath is caught in his chest. "Somehow able to see something, _something_ in me that I can't bother to see myself."

Castiel allows his head to rest on Sam's shoulder. "He sounds nice."

Sam smirks and nods. "Yeah. He certainly is. Though, I hardly deserve him. After all I've done. I'm impure and ... let's face it, a total fuck up. I'm some sick monster with demon blood coursing through my veins with a destiny... a destiny..."

"That no human could possibly fathom, but you handle it with grace," Castiel offers weakly closing his eyes, listening to Sam's breathing, feeling his body move with the swing and he whispers something that makes Sam goes rigid for only a moment. 

"Except you deserve him, you're no monster. We will defy these pre-written destinies, you're fine, Sam. And one star heard you on those nights while you sat in the back of the Impala. Someone heard you. You're not... you're not tainted, Sam. You're a brilliant man, someone who looks for the good in everyone, someone who never stopped believing even when we failed to show you our faces after all your prayers and were unable to fix it for you when we finally _did_  show our faces.

You, who kept trying to find the truth. You, who kept trying to do the right thing time and time again. You, giving out the benefit of the doubt because you truly have faith… in every being. One thing's for sure. you deserve him, who ever he is."

Sam is trembling now and suddenly Castiel is pulled into a crushing embrace, Sam is shaking violently and Castiel feels the damp heat his neck, Sam's face buried there. Cas attempts to hold the much larger man but he feels so small against him, so helpless as Sam cries. He doesn’t say a word as Sam sobs into his jacket and holds him too tightly it hurts. His chest feels like a thousand needles have exploded inside his rib cage, similar to what had jolted him awake but there is no fire this time…only darkness. 

When Sam's hold loosens and he draws himself back to rest his forehead on Castiel's, the moon has moved to the front of the house. Sam grips Cas' arms tightly. Sam’ s face is stained from tears that Castiel wipes away gingerly with the cuff of his trench coat the corners of his mouth turned up. He runs his thumb across Sam's cheek bone and under his red puffy eyes. "It's going to be okay, Sam, I promise. I’m here."

Sam sniffs and his lips quiver as he works them into a smile. "Thank...the universe for letting me hold you." Before Castiel can respond lips are on his and he's melting into Sam's desperation, Sam’s hands gripping his waist tightly and pulling Cas closer as if he could lose him any second. Castiel knows he only needs to feel his warmth.

Castiel will give it to him, as long as Sam wants and needs it.

As long as he is a star in Sam Winchester's world. 


End file.
